Fragments of Hope

I can only hope that my experience with depression can bring others some solace in knowing they are not alone. I have at last been able to comprehend that the journey to a deep healing takes time and if my journey were to end too soon, I would not gain the courage and strength it takes to endure the journey back to a peaceful core. I have to believe that my torment had a purpose and hopefully that purpose is to pass along some wisdom and consolation to others who feel as if their spirit has been shattered.

My intention for this website is to share my struggle with major depression to others who are suffering, hopefully helping them to feel validated. I would also like to provide some feedback on the most exciting part of my journey, which is my experience with TMS, and provide a vending outlet for the book chronicling my journey through depression, Fragments of Hope, for those who may be interested.

 

I have spent a long time trying to believe that we as human beings are more alike than we are different.  Sometimes that concept is still hard for me to believe.  What I have learned through the years is that, although there are differences that distinguish us from one another, we all share similar feelings.  There is pain in each and every one of us and even though that pain comes in all sorts of levels and degrees, most of us are capable of relating to some type of heartache.  Life can throw us a curve ball at any given moment and it does not wait for us to pick ourselves up before we are thrown another.

I have suffered for many years–sometimes more than I care to remember–and there were times that I longed to just curl up and die, but there were also times when I truly felt blessed–yes, blessed–in some way to suffer so intensely.  I believe that through my illness I have been able to find courage, strength, compassion, meaning and depth.  It was through my insufferable dark nights that I learned just how to rely on myself.

My suffering has allowed my soul to heal and me to feel the beauty of goodness and love.

 

Excerpt: Fragments of Hope - Page 25

"My body has become heavy and weak, my days drag by and I spend my nights shaking in a chair, unable to sleep.  Vacations are not only torture, they are a blur.  Holidays make me sick to my stomach.  The future seems bleak and my world has been completely turned upside down.  

“My senses are dying.  I am not able to feel love, to give it or want it.  I don't really even remember what love felt like.  I feel cold, bitter, angry, indifferent, desperate and alone.  These feelings are taking over my mind and body and I am pushing away everyone in my life."

 

Excerpt: Fragments of Hope - Page 111

"My illness whispers in my ear trying to seduce and lure me in.  It is insidious as it discreetly speaks to me.  It masks itself and cunningly plays my old tapes for me.  It rears its devious head trying to win me over and keep me for itself.  

“If I am not wise to its facade, it will take me, disfigure me and dismantle all that I have worked so hard to achieve.  There are times when I feel enticed by it and I actually entertain the thought of letting it consume me.  I contemplate letting it suck me in, letting it dominate and enslave me."

 

 

Please bear with me as I update this site. Feel free to get in touch with me through the Contact tab at the top. I look forward to hearing from you!


 

 

 

   

 


 

 

  

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. ~Maya Angelou                               

Life was meant to be lived...  One must never for whatever reason turn his back on life.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

 

"The author provides an unflinching look at living with severe depression, and offers compassion and hope for those caught in it's grasp."

~ Camille Wortman, Professor of Psychology at Stony Brook University


"Fragments of Hope points a poignant description of surviving in the day to day hell of severe depression.  It read like a suspense novel.  I couldn't put it down waiting to learn what's next.  It's a book to be read not only by moms but also by fathers.  It isn't easy living with a young struggling mother and Deborah's husband stands tall.  Deborah's struggle with forgiveness and fresh insights were powerfully written." 

~ Mary Ellen Logan PSI President's Advisory Council

Santa Barbara CA